My life as a non-sex tourist

Southeast Asia, and Thailand specifically, and Bangkok even more specifically, are famous as destinations for sex tourists. For reasons I won't go into here -- stacks of books have been written on the subject, after all -- the culture here is more tolerant of prostitution. There are few places in the world where a man can walk down the street or sit in a restaurant with a woman (or man) who is obviously a prostitute without inviting public scorn.

Expatriates, or expats, are people who take up residence in a foreign country. Southeast Asia has its own variety, men who move here to enjoy the sex trade. They're called sexpats.

I haven't sampled the wares, so to speak. Honest. But I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be a sex tourist. I see men all over the region traveling with women who -- I'm going to go out on a limb here -- are being paid for their company. They travel with them for days or weeks, to beaches, on boat trips, etc.

How would it feel to be a Western guy walking down the street with a Southeast Asian woman? What kind of looks would I get? (And what the heck do they talk about?!)

Now I know.

Sort of.

While I was visiting the Royal Palace in Phnom Penh I was approached by a Southeast Asian woman. She was friendly, gorgeous and effortlessly glamorous. I had no idea how to react... Something was going on that was beyond my experience.

I was pleasantly surprised to discover she was another solo tourist from Indonesia. She wanted to know if I was having any luck deciphering the map. (I wasn't.) We were both planning on visiting the main tourist sites in Phnom Penh so we spent the day sightseeing together.

Until she mentioned it I had never thought about it, but you just don't see Southeast Asian women traveling alone in Southeast Asia.

Luckily she has a sense of humor, because no matter where she goes in SE Asia she looks just enough like a local that other locals assume she is a prostitute.

We went to a club one night. A guy checked me through security while a woman checked her. The security woman spoke to her in Khmer. I heard her saying "I'm sorry, I don't understand. I'm Indonesian." It was like that everywhere she said. Locals speak to her in the local language.

When she pointed out that everyone assumed she was a prostitute I realized that meant that everyone assumed I was a sex tourist! I noticed the looks we got. Because men assumed she was a prostitute they made no secret about looking her up and down and then sizing me up.

There were more prostitutes in the bar than actual customers, and they all gave her nasty looks, presumably because they didn't recognize her and thought she was poaching on their turf.

When she got up to use the toilet or take a photo two or three of the local girls would approach me instantly, trying to arrange a future business transaction.

I had wondered what the girly bars were like in Bangkok but was afraid to check them out. I just wanted to see the inside of one. I had hoped to find a group of people to go with but hadn't had any luck.

I am pretty fearless in some ways. Traveling 5,000 miles on a train through Siberia didn't scare me at all. But there is no way I'd go into a go-go bar by myself. I'd be helpless!

So it was quite a learning experience to visit one with a Southeast Asian woman.

In Nha Trang, Vietnam I met what I thought was a young Vietnamese couple on a boat trip. It turns out they were childhood friends. She had been living in Australia for years and was home visiting friends and family.

I hung out with them for two days until he had to go back to Saigon for work. I hung out with her for two days after he left.

In Vietnam the sex trade isn't as prominent as in Thailand, but it's there. It's not quite as accepted, though. In Bangkok, for instance, hotels and guest houses will charge a fee for any "guest" who stays the night. In Vietnam most guest houses don't allow "guests" at all.

My Vietnamese friend is a gorgeous young woman. She was concerned about how people would react to seeing us together. We were just eating, drinking and sitting on the beach together, but she's obviously Vietnamese, and I'm obviously not, so we did get some looks.

So now I know how it feels to be a sex tourist in Southeast Asia. Except without the sex.

Somehow, somewhere, something went terribly wrong....