Fail!

If you are looking for a funny website to waste half a day look here. Hilarious. I submitted some photos to them. Here's the story:

At my school they installed a privacy partition in the men's room. There are two urinals so I guess someone was concerned about someone else watching them pee. This wouldn't be high on my list of changes to make at the school, but whatever. However, the maintenance guys were apparently a little unclear on the concept. Someone told them to put a partition on the wall next to the urinal and, dadgumit, they did it.


What makes it even funnier is that the bathroom is quite small and is off a hallway. A classroom is directly opposite. There is a door, but when the door is open this is what you see.


I took this photo from the hallway. The door in the back is the toilet. There's another one on the other side of the sink. The locks are broken on both doors, so if you're sitting there you have to be vigilant and make sure no one rips open the door while you're doing your business. Otherwise, people (students) in the hallway can see you.

So, to recap, one guy watching another guy pee is a problem. What is not a problem, apparently, is that little girls in the hallway have a straight line of sight into the both toilets and both urinals. Note that the partition does nothing to help this particular issue, either.

Teacher, what mean coprophilia?

I tell my students to tell me if there are topics they'd like to discuss that aren't covered in class. One class wanted to know the meanings of FBI, CIA, NASA, etc. This led to a short discussion of acronyms. One student wanted to know "which is worse": crazy, stupid or idiot.

One student wanted to know the difference between shit and damn.

I said cursing is a surprisingly complicated subject and that I couldn't give a short explanation. I said that in Khmer there are probably things you can say to a friend that you can't say to a teacher or a stranger, right? This is an intermediate class so I said it probably wasn't an appropriate topic for their level. How's that for ducking the issue?

At higher levels it's not necessarily inappropriate. If you're teaching advanced students who are planning on working or studying overseas it might be worthwhile to give them some pointers on how and when to curse or, perhaps more importantly, to know when someone else is cursing at them in jest or in anger.

Last week I had all of my students write a practice essay. In one class it was to write a funny story from their childhood. One student gave me an otherwise decent essay which the word "shit" was used about 20 times.

Whenever I mention this people immediately assume it was a boy who wrote it, a punk kid with a bad attitude. The author was actually a sweet young girl talking about a time when one of her classmates came to class with a shoe caked in doggie doodoo.

I guess I'll have to give a short lesson on the s-word after all. I'll give them the same advice I gave when a student asked how to use a semi-colon. I said "This is the rule for using a semi-colon: Don't."

Maybe I'll play for them the famous George Carlin routine about the seven words you can't say on TV!

Final grade

Last week I completed my first full term as a teacher. I was more nervous than my students about the exams. I was so worried that they would do poorly because I failed to teach them properly. None of my students failed -- even those that should have! So maybe I did do something wrong.

This is not including the students who didn't show up for the exams. Classes at my school cost $180 to $220 for a 10-week term. This is a fortune in Cambodia. Yet there are students who pay the tuition and then don't attend. Baffling.

(To put this figure in perspective, I just returned from Siem Reap. The guys who worked in the hotel where I worked have one or two days off per month. They start work at about 4 a.m., to serve breakfast to guests who are going to see the sunrise at Angkor Wat. After working all day and all night they sleep on cots in the lobby so they can get up to unlock the door whenever guests stagger home drunk from the bars. They make $50 per month.)

Back to school... I am a stressful person under the best of conditions. I actively seek out things to worry about. Teaching has been nervewracking because, let's face it, I have no idea what I'm doing. Every time I teach a lesson it's the first time. I have to teach grammar that I haven't studied since elementary school to teenagers who know it chapter and verse.

I was stressed out but I genuinely enjoyed the experience. Most of my classes were fantastic. In Vietnam I felt more like a zookeeper than a teacher. Here behavioral problems were nearly non-existent.

This was my Tuesday/Thursday morning intermediate class.


They were a joy to teach. Bright, friendly, hard-working kids. Oddly enough, I took this photo on one of the few days Chetra, the boy on the far right, showed up. He attended a half-dozen classes and missed the exams. What photo of a group of Asians would be complete without at least one of them making the obligatory V-sign with her fingers? Thanks, Raingsey!

In Vietnam I found it impossible to memorize the names of the students. Maybe it was because I spent the majority of class trying to get them to shut their stinkin' pieholes instead of actually teaching. Actually, it was probably because of the similarity in their names. All Vietnamese words and names are one syllable. There were so many girls named Thu, Thuy, Thy, etc. that it was hard to come up with mnemonic devices for remembering them.

Cambodian names are more varied. Some of the girls' names are pleasantly musical and roll off them tongue, like Molika (printed tshirt) and Chanmarie (black tshirt). Some of the names are long and difficult for foreigners to say. There are two girls in my class tonight named Sochanmoninit and Sopheakleap. Then there's the girl in the black and red plaid above. The English spelling of her name is E, pronounced like the letter.

This variety may be why I was able to memorize them in just two or three weeks. I was quite proud of this, since I taught six different classes. I was even prouder when I discovered that some of my fellow teachers, some of whom have been in Cambodia for years, don't even try to learn their students' names. I found it a bit sad to see classrooms in the final weeks of class where students still had name tags on their desks.

This is my Tuesday/Thursday afternoon intermediate class.


I should mention the boy in the pink shirt because he's a whipsmart student. Oh, and because his name is Rambo. Today I start my second term. Let's hope it goes as well as the first.

They're so cute at that age

When I was teaching my intermediate students the second conditional (things that can't or won't happen) I put them in groups and asked them to imagine they were all-powerful beings from another planet. What would they do if they took over the planet? The results were enlightening, funny and a little scary.


In the center you can see where one group, consisting of three boys and one traumatized girl who obviously had no say in the matter, said "I would kill all the people". There's a group I was careful not to turn my back on.

In the bottom right corner you can see where one group wrote "I would make men to replace the women duty like the men is give birth not women anymore". Not surprisingly, this group was comprised of four girls.

The End of Indolence

I have a job.

Thank you for your condolences.

I signed a 12-month contract to teach English at one of the biggest language schools in Saigon.

http://www.vus-etsc.edu.vn/?page=app_news&lang=en

The pay rate is good. I'll be teaching all my classes at the same building, rather than having to shuttle back and forth across town between different campuses. (In a city with 10 million people, 6 million motorbikes and a medieval public transportation system, this is a big deal. Note to self: Next time work in a city with a subway.)

I'm not thrilled about going back to work but I think this is a good gig. I will be working mostly nights and weekends, by choice as it turns out. This will keep my days free so I can pick up sweet substitute gigs at the international schools, tutor or maybe even do some freelance writing. I've met some people who may be able to help me get my name back in print.

I wasn't sure I was going to continue the blog now that I'm settling down. I am grateful for the emails I've received from folks back home asking me to keep writing. The subject matter will change, of course. I wish I could continue it in the "another day, another country" mode. Now it will be more of a "fish out of water" story as I dive into teaching and the life of an expat.

When I'm traveling I always have my camera with me. I honestly can't remember the last time I used it, though. I'll make a point to carry it to get some shots of Saigon city life. The size, the traffic, the pollution -- it's all a bit overwhelming to a country boy like me. I must admit, I'm not crazy about the place, but it's the right place for me to be for the near future.

A sad day

I went to work yesterday.

I resigned from my last job on December 31, 2007, so it's been more than two years since I had to get up and go to work.

I know it's childish, but I wish I never had to work again. I've been living in a fantasy world for the past 18 months and I don't want it to end. I haven't actually found a job, though. I was full-day substitute at an international school on the outskirts of Saigon.

There are basically three places where someone like me can hope to teach. I did my teaching practice in a public school. Working conditions there were chaotic, like in a city school in the US. The big difference here is that kids, while rambunctious and chatty, are generally respectful of teachers. Public school jobs are easy to get but don't pay as well.

Language centers are the best bet for a new teacher like me. These are private, modern facilities where students pay to learn English. Pay is usually better and -- for me this is a big "and" -- they're air-conditioned.

Both public schools and language centers pay by the hour, literally by the amount of hours taught. If you are on campus for six hours but you only teach two hours, you get paid for two hours.

Where you want to end up is at an international school. These are usually fairly impressive campuses where rich local students go to school with children of foreigners. Teachers are paid extremely well.

Because families pay out the wazoo to send their kids to these schools the standards for teachers are high. It's something to work towards. You pay your dues in the public schools and language centers and hope to get your foot in the door at an international school.

My foot is in the door.

Miss Kim, the woman who runs the travel desk at my hotel, put me in touch with a fellow American named Gabriel, who has been teaching in Vietnam for five years. Without even meeting me, Gabriel arranged for me to visit his school and meet the principal. They asked me if I would be willing to substitute as needed.

Heck yes!

I had six classes, but the teachers provided lessons and material. All I needed to do is get through the day without the kids burning the building down. Mission accomplished!

I was terrified, but I had a great time. The kids were well-behaved, the staff was incredibly welcoming and supportive. I made it very clear that I would be happy to pinch hit in the future. This is the school's website. Check out the facilities! Check out the pool!

http://vietnam.acgedu.com/

I really needed this experience. It reminded me of why I wanted to work in Vietnam. You can make a comfortable living and save money working as a teacher here. Gabriel and I stopped by his house. He has a house, an actual free-standing house, with a maid. He dresses well and has a brand-new motorcycle. He's living extremely well, but he's not even certified. He's almost finished earning a teaching certification. Then he'll get bumped into the next pay bracket.

Now I know what I'm working towards.

That's the good news.

I've been submitting resumes at language centers, especially who have advertised online that they need teachers. I want to exhaust that avenue before I apply at public schools. I haven't heard from any of them. Not a peep. It could be that my resume isn't very good or that they want people with more experience.

Or it could be that this is a really lousy time to look for a job. A classmate of mine, who's been teaching in Saigon for years, said this time of year schools are gearing down for Tet. That's the lunar new year celebration, by far the biggest holiday of the year in these parts. Most of the country completely shuts down for at least a week, even two, as most people travel home to spend the week with their families.

Even schools that are open during Tet have a drastically reduced schedule. Tet starts on Valentine's Day. I may have to take a job, any job, to get me through Tet, and then start looking again after.

However, I may not be quite done with traveling yet. My visa is almost expired. I could apply for an extension, but, without going into details, it would probably make more sense to leave the country and apply for a new visa. I may have to spend a few days in Bangkok or Phnom Penh. Wouldn't that be awful...

I'd like to thank the Academy

Here I am receiving my TEFL certificate from Diem, the primary instructor for the class. On the board is the location of the post-class gathering. They decided to ... play laser tag? Yeah, it was a young bunch.

Here is the whole happy class. These photos came from Steven, the guy in black in the back row holding his certificate above his head. I took my camera with me but left the memory card in my laptop...


Here I am sitting between Nhi (left) and Nghiem (right), the course administrators. There's a bit of forced perspective going on here. I'm scrunched down between them so you can't tell that I weigh significantly more than the two of them combined!


Afterwards we walked around the corner for a big buffet lunch. The place is so big that the boys who replenish the buffet dishes scoot around on roller skates. I felt a little tug on my heartstrings when I saw the name of the place: Dìn Ký. The dog I had when I was a boy was named Dinky.


Here I am trying a local dish for the first time. Mmm ... snails.

Stay classy, Saigon

Tomorrow I start my last week of TEFL class. By Friday I will be certified to teach. After months of thinking about it, planning it and doing it, now the fun will really start. I'll start job hunting.

I'm still pondering whether to work in Saigon, or to go someplace less hectic in Vietnam. I'm also still considering Phnom Penh. Much to think about.

Last week one of the girls in my class celebrated her birthday. Hope turned 21. I was certainly happy for her, but I couldn't help but dwell for just a moment on the fact that she's half my age. Sigh... And she's not even the youngest one in the class!



The school was nice enough to buy her a birthday cake. Here she is cutting it as Diem, the primary course instructor, looks on. Diem is wearing the traditional Vietnamese áo dài.

Rosie is the girl taking the photo. Alice is in white behind her. They're both British. They're also the two best teachers in the class. It's a pleasure watching them teach lessons. Sitting next to Rosie is Thu, a Vietnamese woman from Hanoi who already works as a teacher.

One of the odd quirks of teaching abroad is that locals have a harder time landing jobs than foreigners. Schools and students expect a white person to teach English. Thu is going to teach English and then move to Australia to earn a doctorate degree. Smart cookie.

In the corner are Nhi and Nghiem (in black), the two course administrators. Nghiem goes by Nina because her name is so difficult for English speakers to pronounce. She has her own business helping foreigners arrange paperwork like visas, work permits, and the like. She is also working towards a degree in finance at an international school.

She has two jobs where she speaks English and goes to a school where English is the primary language. She said in all seriousness that she speaks English now better than she speaks Vietnamese! A Vietnamese woman living in Vietnam! She also said she dreams in English.

Store-bought birthday cakes in the US taste like styrofoam. This cake was delicious. We demolished it.


(I have no idea of why this photo insists on getting uploaded at a 90 degree angle.)

I usually go to lunch with two guys from class to a food stall in a local market. There we get rice, veg, soup, one meat (fish, pork, chicken, etc.) and iced green tea for 21,000 dong, or about $1.17. I love Vietnam.

A bunch of my classmates have made habit of going to a British-themed restaurant around the corner for lunch. I usually avoid such places, in any country. They're always expensive and the local interpretations of foreign fare can be quite ... creative. I generally eat local food. If I crave Western food I'll get a pizza. I've been able to find edible pizza just about everywhere I've been.

I was pleasantly surprised by this place. It was packed at lunch but, much to my surprise, we were the only foreigners there.



At the suggestion of one of my classmates I took a chance and ordered a bacon cheeseburger with fries. It was awesome, the first really good burger I've had outside the US. Not only was it good, it was reasonably priced: 50,000 dong, or about $2.75. We're all drinking the ubiquitous iced green tea, trà đá.

Our classroom is close to the famous Ben Thanh Market. It's a real market for real Vietnamese people, but because of it's proximity to the tourist district you have to walk through a lot of stalls selling, well, crap before you get to the good stuff.

In the shade you can see a xích lô driver sleeping on the job. (It's usually written cyclo in English.)

It's a hell of a way to make a living, riding a clunky old bicycle contraption around in the tropical heat all day. Late at night they'll be lined up along the streets with tarps over them, the drivers asleep inside.

First day of school

Today I taught my first class. Part of the reason I'm taking the TEFL class is that it gives me time in front of students in a more or less controlled environment. For most of my training sessions there will be an instructor in the room with me. For our first teaching practice we worked in pairs.

I was incredibly nervous going in. I didn't know how well I would remember the lesson. I didn't know how smart or well-behaved the students would be. I didn't know if I'd like it. I didn't know if I'd be good at it.

The verdict is in.

It was a blast.

It was so much fun. I felt comfortable and relaxed. We taught a group of 30 generally well-behaved sixth-graders for 90 minutes. Our observer said he struggled with his evaluation because he couldn't think of many areas where there was room for improvement.

I found out that my fellow students thought I already was a teacher, which has to be a good sign. One of them said she thought I seemed "teacher-y", which probably isn't a word, but it's a nice compliment all the same!

Tomorrow I teach a lesson by myself. I'm happy to report that I'm really looking forward to it.

Hot for teaching

I finished my first week of TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language). So far, so good. I was, well, terrified isn't too strong a word to use how I felt the day before class started.

It could have been disastrous, 14 students from ages 18 to 56 from all over the world crammed into a tiny classroom in tropical heat. Luckily the air conditioning does a decent job and the students are all good people who take the class seriously.

The instructors are good for the most part. Andy is a British expat who has been teaching for years and loves it. With him you have to think before asking him a question because there's a good chance he will go off on a tangent for 20 minutes. Which is good. It's encouraging to see his enthusiasm.

Diem (pronounce yee-UHM, but as one syllable) speaks English with a pronounced Vietnamese accent but her grammar is absolutely perfect. She's a quite capable teacher.

Sa taught one lesson in "direct teaching". One of the primary philosophies behind the teaching methods we are learning is that only the target language is spoken in the classroom. If you have a class full of people who speak no English whatsoever you have to be able to teach them without using any Vietnamese.

To demonstrate the basic methods Sa taught us phrases in Thai without speaking any English (or Vietnamese). This was a particularly unnerving session, although it was encouraging to see that it can be done.

We've had two lessons in Vietnamese langauge, which I was looking forward to. Unfortunately these almost did more harm than good. The instructor, Mr. Vu, was atrocious. All you really need to know about Vu is that when students would make a mistake he would laugh.

I've spent several weeks in Vietnam and have tried to learn basic phrases and pronunciation rules. A few other students had also tried to learn some of the language on their own. We ended up coaching the other students. You know the teacher is bad when students are asking ME to help with their pronunciation!

The next day Andy asked us what we thought about Vu's methods. I was happy to learn everyone in the class was disappointed. Andy explained that Vu works for UNESCO, which happens to be the organization that the school rents the room from. So they're stuck with him. In the end, though, it was a good lesson in how not to teach a class.

Here are my classmates working on a project. You can see drawings we did for previous lessons taped to the walls.

I'm standing in the doorway to the classroom. The desks on the left are against the wall, which gives an idea of how cozy the room is. Behind me is the office.

These are the two camera shy course administrators, Nhi (left) and Nghiem (or Nina, on the right). We walk through the office to get to the classroom, which perhaps explains why the office is bigger!

This is the exercise we are working on.

This week we will observe one of our instructors teaching a lesson in a classroom. Later we will work in pairs to teach our first lesson in front of actual students. Yikes. My partner is Thu, the only Vietnamese student in my class. Yesss... She is confident in front of the class and has firm opinions on how to teach. I am more than willing to let her drive on my first trip in front of a class!